A Thousand Years

                                           

When I die I want them to play "A Thousand Years" by Christina Perri at my funeral. Umm, death, funerals, are you okay Whitney? Are you sick? Why are you talking about this right now? Isn't that a wedding song? I understand this does seem a bit random but hear me out.

I absolutely love the song A Thousand Years! So much so that I had the instrumental version of the song by The Piano Guys in my wedding. A Thousand Years was theme song of the 4th Twilight Saga movie, Breaking Dawn and while I was definitely a "Twiheart," this surprisingly isn't about my slight obsession with the books and movies, #TeamJacob.

I'm convinced A Thousand Years was written to be a worship song. Okay, maybe it wasn't but it should be. Maybe, I can convince the worship team at my church to put it into rotation. What do you say GCC ROA? The other day I was listening to this song and I was in tears. TEARS, people and I am not a big crier at all. The lyrics touched me so deeply because I imagined this being exactly how I want my first encounter with Jesus to be when I meet Him in heaven. I imagine this being our inner and outer dialogue. Granted this is strictly my creative imagination of how the encounter will go and I'm sure it will be a million times better than this but here goes:

I open my eyes and as the pearl gates open I see Jesus standing at the other end of the street of gold, as I begin to walk towards Him....

Me (thinking): Heart beats fast. Colors and promises. How to be brave? How can I love when I'm afraid to fall? But watching you stand alone, all of my doubts suddenly goes away somehow.

Me and Jesus (out loud): One step closer.

When I think of this part of the song I imagine that when I die some of the insecurities I felt on earth will  temporarily follow me because there will be a bit of disorientation for a second as the transition from earth to heaven takes place. Insecurities about love, fear and whatever else may flood my mind but as soon as I see Jesus any and every fear, doubt and everything not of the Lord I ever felt will immediately go away and all I'll want to do is get to Him and Him to me.

Me: I have died every day waiting for you.

Jesus: Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you for a thousand years. I'll love you for a thousand more.

Romans 8:13 (NIV) says, "For if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you to put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live." If anyone ever tells you that being a Christian is easy then they are not telling you the truth. It's hard and there have been plenty of times that I have battled my flesh. Sometimes I pass the tests it gives me and often times I have failed. "Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak" (Matthew 26: 41 NIV). These lyrics make me think of these very things, how by choosing to follow Christ I must die to myself daily, even when it's hard, even when I don't want to or feel like it. And to hear Jesus say that He's loved me for so long will the sweetest thing ever! It reminds me of Jeremiah 1:5 (NIV)- "Before I formed you in your mother's womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations."

Me: Time stands still. Beauty in all she is. I will be brave, I will not let anything take away what's standing in front of me. Every breath. Every hour has come to this.

Both: One step closer

My main goal in life is to get to heaven and live with Jesus forever and hopefully bring along as many people as I can. The lyrics are very literal to me here by saying "Every breath. Every hour has come to this," because it has. To be able to stand before the creator of the universe, time, and beauty I absolutely will "be brave" and "not let anything take away what's standing in front of me." As a Christian I think it's very important to keep a tunnel vision and focus on our main objective which is Christ and being Christlike and while there will be plenty of obstacles that try to get in our way, we can't let those things trip us up and discourage us from our constant pursuit of Christ.

Me: And all along I believed I would find you.

Jesus: Time has brought your heart to me, I have loved you for a thousand years. I'll love you for a thousand more.

John 14:6 (NIV) says, Jesus answered "I am the way, and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. This is in response to one of Jesus's disciples, Thomas, asking how will they know the way if they don't know where Jesus is going. As a follower of Christ there may be days where you will have questions of where your life is headed because you just aren't sure. You may even try to find your purpose or calling and start pursuing something that God has never called you to do or because you're good at something you think that's what you're supposed to be doing and God hasn't necessarily called you to do that either. Does that mean you should just not use your gifts for God's kingdom? No, but realize that He is what you pursue over all other things. These lyrics remind me that even during my worst days and darkest moments, I had faith that God would be there for me and John 14:6 makes it clear that Jesus is the only way to get to God and that only  through time in His Word and building a relationship with Christ will my heart be for Him.

Me (tears in my eyes):One step closer

Jesus (with a smile on His face and arms outstretched to me): One step closer

Me (falling in His arms and in a voice barely above a whisper): I have died everyday waiting for you.

Jesus (holding me closely): Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you for a thousand years. I'll love you for a thousand more.

Me: And all along I believed I would find you.

Jesus: Time has brought your heart to me, I have loved you for a thousand years. I'll love you for a thousand more. 

This is the part of the song I really love. While the lyrics remain the same, I imagine this being those final steps before Jesus and I are face to face. The emotion I'll no doubt feel once I'm finally with my King! My heavenly Father, telling Him how long I've wanted to be with Him and knowing I'll be with Him for all eternity. The exhaustion, joy, relief, the shock, awe and wonder, the peace....I'm pretty sure there will be an ugly cry or two in there somewhere :) And to have Him reassure me that He has loved me forever and will continue to do so forever, it takes my breath away....and then we'll waltz (yes, waltz because I imagine this being the ultimate father/daughter/bride/groom moment and at those fancy weddings they always waltz lol) off into clouds, or sunrise, or sunset or whatever cool background heaven has to offer because I mean, He's Jesus, of course you dance when you meet Him....Just ask David :)

So why at my funeral? I'm not sure when I will die, of course and although this seems like a song that a younger generation may appreciate more, for me, the sentiment remains timeless. So even if I am old and gray when I die, I want this song to be an uplifting reminder to my family and give them peace knowing that even though they are mourning, they can find comfort in the fact that I am with Jesus, that I looked forward to the moment I would meet Him and be happy that this is how I imagine it will go.

Like I said this is strictly from my own imagination based off of these lyrics and know it will be so much more than this. I'm grateful the Lord allows me to have a creative side that let's me get closer to Him and not see Him as some far off, untouchable entity in the clouds somewhere but a very tangible, loving Father who wants a real relationship with me.

Here's the song below.

Now that you've read my commentary about it, can you imagine it just a little bit? Even if you don't agree with me about what I've said, it's still a beautiful song. Now if you'll excuse me I think I'll go find dust off my copy Breaking Dawn part 1 DVD and give it a watch. Until next time.

Blessings,

Whitney

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A Tale of Two M's part 1: Micah

"I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him." - 1 Samuel 1:27

Since it's my sweet little boy's first birthday today I felt it was fitting to finally share his birth story. a Shortly after getting married I began to pray for a child, I know some people may think that's strange for a newlywed to do something like that but I did. I've always wanted to be a wife and a mother so since I got the wife part down I may as well start praying for my future children. I'll admit due to some things in my past, I had convinced myself that I wouldn't be able to have children or that it would be extremely difficult to get pregnant. Still I prayed. I always imagined how I would tell my husband we were having a baby when the time came. I always thought it would be cute if it happened around a holiday so I could make some creative holiday themed pregnancy announcement for him. Turns out my opportunity came about two months later on December 26, 2014! On a whim, after work, I decided to stop at the store and pick up a pregnancy test. If it was positive great, if not that would be okay too. I had no expectations but was anxious and excited at the same time. As I waited in line the cashier was having a great conversation with the man ahead of me, asking about how his Christmas was and hoping he had a great day. When it was my turn I smiled at the girl and asked how she was. As she started to smile back and respond, her whole expression immediately changed to a grim one as she looked down and saw the pregnancy test. Gone was the bubbly outgoing person that was just there and she looked at me with the saddest face and kept shaking her head. I'm not sure what she thought but it was obvious she felt sorry for me or something. Maybe it's because despite being 26 at the time, I often get that I look 16. I guess she thought I was headed straight for an episode of 16 and Pregnant or Teen Mom.

Once I got home, my husband, CJ was waiting for me on the couch. It was date night and we were going to the movies. I hadn't told him about the test or anything, instead I told him I was going to change so we could get ready to go out. I didn't want to get either of our hopes up if there was nothing to get excited about. As I waited for the results, I got dressed extremely slowly to pass the time. I even waited 2 minutes over time because I was scared to look. When I finally got the courage to look it was positive! I was in shock! Here was my chance to finally put into play all those cute ideas I had dreamed of and surprise CJ with the fact that he was going to a daddy.....But here's what really happened, That shock I told you I was feeling, quickly turned to panic.Excitement was no where to be found and I finally knew why the cashier looked at me like I had 2 heads, she knew this would happen. I didn't know what to think or do and in my panic, in a voice I didn't recognize to be mine, I croaked out "Honey, come in here!" It seemed like it took him forever to get down the hall to the bathroom where I was waiting and when he finally got there I'm pretty sure I held my breath as I wait for his response. When he did, in true CJ fashion, he simply said "Hmm, cool." And that was that.

The next 9 months were filled with the anticipation and excitement of welcoming our baby into the world.

Our first sonogram

At our gender reveal party: It's a boy!

On August 16, around midnight I was repacking my hospital bag when I started to feel contractions. They weren't too painful so I timed and kept doing what I was doing. About an hour later they started to get a bit more intense and close together so I decided to call my mom (I was at home by myself because CJ was at work) and let her know what was going on. She told me to keep timing them and call the hospital and to call her back. I called the hospital and no one answered. I tried a few more times and they said the doctor on call was resting and to leave a message. By then I was frustrated so I called my mom back and said let's just go to the hospital. On the way, the contractions got really painful. CJ met us there and we got there they checked me and said I wasn't dilated too much and suggested I walk around the hallway to see if I progress any. For the next 3 hours I walked around the hallway in such pain it almost brought me to my knees. Doctors and strangers kept asking me if I was okay and in my head I was screaming "NO!" but somehow managed to nod that I was. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and told my husband I was done and didn't want to walk anymore and just broke down crying in the middle of the hall. I was so overwhelmed at that point and in so much pain that I just wanted it all to be over and have my son in my arms. A nurse found me crying and decided it was time to check me again to see if I had progressed any further. There was no change. After all the pain, nothing was happening, I couldn't believe it. So they gave me something to help me sleep and sent me home. I was devastated because the contractions were still coming full force. It was one of the meanest tricks my body has ever played on me.

The next day I had my regular doctor's appointment and discovered I had progressed a half a centimeter. It wasn't much and when my doctor said it could be any day but I refused to get my hopes up.  The next day while I was eating my lunch of champions, Gatorade and chocolate chips (no cookies just a bag of Toll House chocolate chips....in my defense I was waiting on a friend to bring me Chipotle and got hungry) I started to feel some contractions. I knew the trickery and deceit my body was capable of and I wasn't falling for it again. So I waited. Meanwhile, CJ and my mother in law were putting the final touches on the nursery and hanging up some pictures. After about 30 minutes I told them I was having contractions again and we started timing them. When they got to be about 5 minutes apart CJ said we should go to the hospital. In between breathing through a contraction I told him no because I didn't want them to send me home again. So I paced our hall, and while breathing through contractions told them certain pictures were crooked. About 10 minutes later I couldn't take anymore, gave in and we headed to the hospital. 

Once we got to the hospital, they checked me into a room (which they didn't do the first time), I signed some paperwork and they officially admitted me to the hospital. I was so relieved that I wasn't going to be sent home and that it would only be a matter of time before I met my baby boy. My labor was pretty uneventful so they suggested I walk around the hall again. In my mind, those were fighting words because I was still traumatized from last time but I decided it couldn't hurt. It actually did and after one lap around the hallway, I decided I wanted to bounce on the exercise ball instead. By then the pain was intense but because I knew what to expect so I was able to breathe through it. Eventually, I got bored of the exercise ball and crawled back into bed and found a Chopped marathon on TV to watch. At around 3am, about 12 hours into labor, I was ready for an epidural. When it first started to kick in, I could feel my legs going numb and was scared because it felt so weird. Once it really got going, it was as if the heavens opened up and the hallelujah chorus began to sing. It felt so good to be able to have a contraction without almost tearing off the sides of the bed rails. After that it was smooth sailing and just a matter of waiting. They even gave me a popsicle after not being allowed to eat anything since I arrived there. I was so happy!

At 2:30 pm, the doctor came in, checked me out and said "okay, you can start pushing whenever you want to." I said "okay" and the doctor said "Alright, babies having babies." I assumed the doctor was referring to my age since I look so young and thought it was rude of him to say something like that but by then I was so ready to meet my little guy, I didn't care. My mom did though and pulled him out in the hallway for a "come to Jesus meeting" as we call like to call them and the doctor came back with a new attitude. Initially, I just wanted my husband in the room when I started to push but it ended up being him, my mom, his mom, my mom's best friend who was a nurse that worked there and just happened to be available. Like I said at that point I just wanted to get this show on the road that I didn't care who saw what. While I was pushing, they told me the baby had passed his first poop, called meconium, and they needed to get him out soon before he ingested it and it made him really sick. At that point, I got scared but silently said a prayer that everything would be alright. The next I knew it seemed like a whole SWAT team of nurses and hospital staff stormed into the room ready take care of the baby in case he did ingest the meconium. I was blown away by the care they were willing to give my son. 

Thankfully, he didn't ingest his meconium and on August 19, 2015, at 3:09 pm, Micah Vincent Easley was born weighing 7 lbs and 9 oz. He was so beautiful, and had a head full of hair, all I could do was cry. It was love at first sight. I couldn't believe I was a mom! 

Micah's First Photoshoot

Us loving on our little guy

Over the last year Micah has taught me so much about love, patience and humility. I thank God every day for allowing me to be his mother and am so grateful He blessed me with such a sweet, adventurous, curious and independent little boy. Happy 1st Birthday Micah Vincent! I love you to infinity and beyond!

Birthday boy playing with his balloons.

I hope you enjoyed this. Stay tuned for A Tale of Two M's part 2: Mason.

Blessings,

Whitney

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